Good Grief

No one wants to go through grief.  It's painful.  It's draining.  It comes unexpectedly, and it can linger longer than you want it to.

Yet, going through the grieving process is good.  It's healing.  It's comforting.  It's expected, and can allow you to move past the deepest hurt even though the memories never fade.

Over the past three weeks since we lost Judah, we've felt the depths of pain and sadness as well as the greatest comfort and hope.  At times I thought I should break down, I've been strong and it has surprised me to almost feel emotionless...  But there have been times where the smallest thought can produce the most tears, and the hurt is fresh all over again.

And I've come to realize that grief can't be controlled.  There are those times when you just can't cry anymore and emotionally you're exhausted with being sad.  For me, being around people has allowed for that welcome break.  Even when people have expressed sympathy with tears in their eyes, I find that those are the times I feel strong.  I so appreciate their words of comfort, yet those aren't the times I grieve.

The hardest time for me is when I'm alone or at night when trying to fall asleep... I begin to process through everything that happened and I grieve over our loss.  The other night, I began thinking of how I was looking forward to taking Judah for walks this summer.  I had visions of walking down to Westport, which is a cute area of town with shops and restaurants about a 15 minute walk from our apartment, and spending time hanging out with him.  Of course I began weeping, not only over the loss of Judah, but the loss of those future plans with him.

You can't throw a blanket of grief over a situation.  As a friend recently said, you have to grieve through every small aspect...  As those memories, hopes or thoughts come, it's important to take each one and allow yourself to work through it.

While we don't like to go through life's tragedies, it's so important to allow ourselves to grieve.  I love the example Jesus set of grieving in John 11.  One of his best friends, Lazarus, dies and we see how Jesus responds in John 11:35....  Jesus wept.

For those of us who know the rest of that story, we know that Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead!  An incredible story of Jesus' power, yet we wonder why Jesus wept if He knew He was going to do this great miracle.  And I think it is because Jesus wanted to set an example for grief.  We need to morn loss.  It's part of the healing process.

We've been greatly encouraged by 1 Thessalonians 4 where it explains that "we don't grieve like those who have no hope."  We know that because we have accepted God's free gift of salvation, we are going to heaven when we die and we'll be able to see Judah again!

Because our ultimate hope is in heaven, we can have hope here on earth.

We grieve the loss of Judah.  It's really hard at times and honestly, sometimes life is just hellish.  But we are comforted knowing that God is with us in our weakness and grief.  He's been there... He's felt great loss and has gone through the grieving process.

We can't always avoid heartache in this life, but we can rest in our hope for the future, trust in a loving God who comforts us and allow ourselves to experience the good of grieving.

Thanks to all of you who've grieved with us and who continue to pray for the healing of our hearts.

Love,
The Coyles