This morning I told her about her brother in heaven and how today would've been his 2nd birthday. I told her how special he was and how we'll see him again someday. And I know she didn't understand any of what I was telling her, but as she looked up at me with a huge grin and wide eyes, I couldn't help but feel she was excited to hear about Judah. I choked back tears and pulled her closer and thanked God again for the wonderful gift He's given us in her. She truly is a treasure.
I debated on whether or not to write today because I'm sure some may think "it's been so long now, it's time to move on." But the truth is, while you're not dwelling on the loss every day or living in sadness, that loss is still so real and the pain is just a memory away.
I still wonder what he would've been like and can only imagine that he would've had an energetic spirit that reflected his dad's and would probably be talking non stop by now.
The five months I carried him and the fleeting moments I got to hold him in my arms created a bond that will have me carrying him in my heart forever. You just never let go of that love.
As I think about Judah today, I am reminded again of how much of a miracle children truly are. We understand the pain of loss, the trials of not being able to get pregnant for over a year and the overwhelming joy of having our daughter and watching her grow.
Ava is now four months old and there really isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about the reality of what could happen. I don't live in that fear, but it's always a thought every morning and one that I'm sure won't go away. It makes me so thankful every day that we have her as a part of our lives. She brings us so much joy!
So today I celebrated Judah with Ava and praised God for Ava's life. Both of our babies are incredible gifts.
