Movin on Up...

... up north, that is!  Yes, we're moving again.  At least this move is just a five minute drive from where we are now.  I'm hoping that this moving once a year thing won't become a trend, and in light of where we're moving and why; I think we'll be able to settle in for a little while.

When we moved to Kansas City a year ago, we thought we'd just be here two years and chose a place in Midtown/Old Hyde Park so that we were close to the heart of downtown while still not paying a ton in rent and could be close enough to the highway so Gabe could drive out to Leawood everyday.  Now that Gabe is the campus pastor for our downtown campus at Christ Community, we've felt the need to move in to the heart of downtown closer to where the church campus would be.

We started looking in the Crossroads District of KC, which is where we're looking at permanent locations for the campus, but quickly realized this meant our rent would double.  We began to pray about our options...  A few weeks later, a couple from Christ Community approached us about an opportunity.  They had been wanting to buy a condo in the Crossroads for some time as a place to move after retirement.  Since the market has been so great for buyers, they knew that buying now would be a smart decision.  They asked us if we would want to rent from them if they bought a condo in the Crossroads, and this gracious couple offered it at about what we're paying now!

We were beyond excited!  This was such a huge answer to prayer and gave us the opportunity to live in this community where we could get to know neighbors, local business owners... and give them the option of having a church right in their community!

Since before we got married, almost 2 years ago, this has been a passion in both of our hearts.  We saw ourselves in an urban environment, serving at a church, and getting involved in the community through relationships, volunteering and offering a place for people to interact with the gospel.  We feel so content that we're right where we should be!

I was thinking the other day about the journey God has brought us on this past year... it's been a non stop roller coaster.  Here's a quick overview:

- Gabe graduated from seminary
- We moved from Chicago to Kansas City
- We dropped off our stuff and flew to Italy for a once in a lifetime trip with Gabe's parents
- Gabe started the Fellowship program at Christ Community
- I started working from home as a freelance writer and pursuing my photography
- We got pregnant
- We had endless events and dinners throughout the summer and fall as part of the fellowship program
- We traveled home for Thanksgiving
- Found out we were having a boy
- Were in and out of the hospital for two weeks
- Lost our precious Judah on December 23
- Grieved through Christmas and New Years
- Had a Memorial for Judah
- Gabe accepted the position as downtown campus pastor
- We attended two training retreats for church planters
- Began focusing on serving full time at the downtown campus
- Gabe took over heading up the search for our campus space
- We found out we would be moving to the Crossroads
- We had our first Sunday at the Screenland Theaters in the Crossroads for the summer
- Gabe is continuing to work with the building team to secure a permanent location in the Crossroads
- We are starting to pack up
- Gabe is performing his first wedding this weekend
- I'll be shooting a different wedding the same day
- We'll have our 2 year anniversary on June 4
- We'll move into the Crossroads!

Whew!  It's been a full year!  All that to say, looking back it's been so neat to see how God has been orchestrating our lives.  We wouldn't have chosen some of the things we went through this past year, but we continually trust in God's ultimate plan.

The next month is going to be busy, but we're keeping the finish line of being settled in our new home at the forefront of our mind.  We are so excited for this next step in our lives... not so excited about packing.  :)

Thanks, as always, for your prayers and support in our lives!  We know that without our friends and family we never would've gotten through this past year!

Love,
The Coyles

May 6- Remembering Judah

I knew this would be a hard day... in fact, I'm not even sure what to write.  Today was Judah's due date, a day that we would've been looking forward to for a long time.

It's hard to think that we could've been holding our precious new baby today... in awe of this new life and the idea of beginning our family.  It could've been such a joy filled day with friends and family celebrating with us.  Instead it just feels so empty.

It's been a journey the last five months, filled with ups and downs.  I felt such closure after the memorial for Judah in January and, with Gabe's new role in the church, life got busy and it helped to keep moving.  But this last month especially has seemed to bring about a whole new wave of sadness knowing that we would've been nearing the finish line and anxiously anticipating the arrival of our baby boy.

I can only describe it as a quiet storm.  Every time we see a new baby, a little boy, soon to be moms... it's a constant reminder of our loss.  But I can't break down every time I'm reminded, and I can't go on talking about it because I have healed... mostly.  The dark clouds can quickly move in and a torrential downpour can be on me in an instant, but as quickly as it comes on, it passes.  Yet it still leaves a watermark and the loss seems fresh all over again.

I still question Why.  It still hurts.  And I know I may never get answers in this lifetime... which has really stretched my faith.  I can totally understand why people that go through hard times have a hard time trusting that God is in control... if you love me, then why...?   It's unsettling to not have an answer.  At times I've felt bitter, angry, resentful and hurt.  People have said that Jesus is holding Judah and watching over him.  And in my humanness I want to cry out that I want to hold Judah, I want to watch over him!  I want to watch as he grows and laugh with him... he's my son!

So this is faith.  This is what it means to fully trust in an all-knowing, loving God.  Even when it hurts... even when I don't have an answer.  Even when life just sucks.  This is faith.

It seems fitting that as I write it's storming outside.  It's dark and the rain just keeps pouring down.  Is God still God in this storm?  Does God still love me more than anything?  Does God understand the loss of a Son?  Yes.


At those times when I question God, question my faith... those are the times I am reminded that the only One who can heal, the only One who can bring me hope and the only One who loves me unconditionally is a loving God.  I've been so encouraged my this song...

(you'll have to skip ahead to 3:38 since she talks in the beginning... )




I continue to look to God, not for answers, but for strength.  I pray that bitterness and resentment would stay at bay.  I know it'd be so easy to go there and stay there... but I don't want to live like that and I know God has given us a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11).

He never promised life would be easy or free from pain, but He does promise to be with us and give us the strength to get through.  So, I rest in God's promise.

Today we're going out to get a nice box for Judah's ashes.  It will be hard, but will be good to spend that time together remembering the moments we did have with Judah in the womb and holding him in the hospital.  And, while it will continue to rain today, we know the rain won't last forever.

We love you Judah!

Love,

Mom and Dad