Gabe kissed us goodbye after dinner and left to teach a class tonight for church.... then this happened.
With the sink still full of dishes, I decided to try to get Ava to eat the rest of her dinner she didn't finish. I began to make funny faces to try to distract her from the arduous task at hand... She giggled. It was one of the cutest laughs and I did it again. She giggled again and then made almost the exact same face I had made.
I laughed.
The more I laughed, the more she laughed. I made the face again and she copied it while giggling. I couldn't stop laughing and I thought "so this is one of the joys of being a mom."
After she didn't finish her dinner, we read some books then I gave her some space to play on her own while I did the dishes. Little did I know that as she army crawled her way around the floor, she was working out one of her biggest attacks yet...
I picked her up to get her ready for bed and I realized she had pooped (a word I say more often than I'd like to admit). And it wasn't just a poop that filled her diaper, it also filled her pants and went halfway up her onesie.
I held her at arms length, held my breath and immediately took her to her room. I quickly realized that this mess wasn't going to be contained on the changing table and that yet another bath was needed. I wrapped her in a blanket, got out her tub, threw it in the kitchen sink and tried taking off the poop filled clothes without getting it everywhere.
The more careful I tried to be, the more she wiggled. I finally got her free from her clothes, but since she had been wiggling, the poop was everywhere.
On her. On me.
I was gagging. The dog was gagging.
And I thought, "so this is one of the joys of being a mom."
As I hosed her down and put her in the tub to get clean, I couldn't help but think that this was exactly what I signed up for.
I love it.
The giggles... the poop... everything.
After great loss, a seemingly endless wait and tons of prayer... we have Ava. This precious gift that I wouldn't trade for the world.
I put on her jammies and "night night" lotion (that sweet smell of baby covered in relaxing lavender), snuggled her, fed her a bottle and kissed her goodnight.
And as I cleaned up another mess for what seemed like the fiftieth time today, I thought of how tonights' poop filled episode reminded me of salvation.
(No, I didn't think that's where it was going to lead either.)
But, as our Heavenly Father, this is exactly what God does for us.
He loves us in our good moments and loves us in our bad moments. He loves us completely.
He doesn't turn His back when we're covered in our own mess... He loves us then just as much when we're "cute and giggling."
He picks us up, and cleans us off.
And oftentimes we don't even realize how bad it is. But He is willing to get His hands dirty... to reach into our lives... to meet us right where we're at and to love us completely. In our sin, in what seems to be too strong for us to face on our own... He picks us up and gives us a clean slate.
"He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
He drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
He rescued me because He delighted in me."
(Psalm 18: 16-17, 19)
He delights in us!
The way I love and take great delight in Ava... He feels that way about me... about you. I'm overwhelmed by this love and how He is more than ready, willing and able to save (rescue, clean up) anyone who asks Him to.
He loves us all that much.
We don't have to get cleaned up to come to Him... He takes us and loves us as we are... poop and all.
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Our Incredible Gifts- A Day to Remember
Today I've held Ava a little tighter and let her cuddle a little longer.
This morning I told her about her brother in heaven and how today would've been his 2nd birthday. I told her how special he was and how we'll see him again someday. And I know she didn't understand any of what I was telling her, but as she looked up at me with a huge grin and wide eyes, I couldn't help but feel she was excited to hear about Judah. I choked back tears and pulled her closer and thanked God again for the wonderful gift He's given us in her. She truly is a treasure.
I debated on whether or not to write today because I'm sure some may think "it's been so long now, it's time to move on." But the truth is, while you're not dwelling on the loss every day or living in sadness, that loss is still so real and the pain is just a memory away.
I still wonder what he would've been like and can only imagine that he would've had an energetic spirit that reflected his dad's and would probably be talking non stop by now.
The five months I carried him and the fleeting moments I got to hold him in my arms created a bond that will have me carrying him in my heart forever. You just never let go of that love.
As I think about Judah today, I am reminded again of how much of a miracle children truly are. We understand the pain of loss, the trials of not being able to get pregnant for over a year and the overwhelming joy of having our daughter and watching her grow.
Ava is now four months old and there really isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about the reality of what could happen. I don't live in that fear, but it's always a thought every morning and one that I'm sure won't go away. It makes me so thankful every day that we have her as a part of our lives. She brings us so much joy!
So today I celebrated Judah with Ava and praised God for Ava's life. Both of our babies are incredible gifts.
This morning I told her about her brother in heaven and how today would've been his 2nd birthday. I told her how special he was and how we'll see him again someday. And I know she didn't understand any of what I was telling her, but as she looked up at me with a huge grin and wide eyes, I couldn't help but feel she was excited to hear about Judah. I choked back tears and pulled her closer and thanked God again for the wonderful gift He's given us in her. She truly is a treasure.
I debated on whether or not to write today because I'm sure some may think "it's been so long now, it's time to move on." But the truth is, while you're not dwelling on the loss every day or living in sadness, that loss is still so real and the pain is just a memory away.
I still wonder what he would've been like and can only imagine that he would've had an energetic spirit that reflected his dad's and would probably be talking non stop by now.
The five months I carried him and the fleeting moments I got to hold him in my arms created a bond that will have me carrying him in my heart forever. You just never let go of that love.
As I think about Judah today, I am reminded again of how much of a miracle children truly are. We understand the pain of loss, the trials of not being able to get pregnant for over a year and the overwhelming joy of having our daughter and watching her grow.
Ava is now four months old and there really isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about the reality of what could happen. I don't live in that fear, but it's always a thought every morning and one that I'm sure won't go away. It makes me so thankful every day that we have her as a part of our lives. She brings us so much joy!
So today I celebrated Judah with Ava and praised God for Ava's life. Both of our babies are incredible gifts.
Friday, January 3, 2014
Our New Year's Eve Surprise!
Gabe and I got up early on Tuesday to head to my appointment for the ECV (External Cephalic Version) where the doctor will manually try to turn a breech baby. We knew, from my 36 week appointment, that there was a chance they wouldn't even be able to attempt the version because my amniotic fluid was lower than normal. The normal range is between 5 and 25, and I was below a 5. My doctor said we could go ahead and schedule one to see if over the next few days my fluids would increase, but that we should be prepared to be sent home if the ultrasound showed still low levels. She also said that if my levels were at a 3 or under, she would probably suggest a c-section soon due to the dangers it could cause.
Everything with the ultrasound showed that our little girl was doing great and completely healthy. The ultrasound technician then told us that the fluid was low and that she was going to talk with the doctor. We waited in the room talking about how crazy it would be if we had to have a c-section soon after. It was funny because the night before Gabe had just finished putting together the glider for the nursery. We stepped back and took a look around and said, "well, everything's ready so she could come at any time!" While we waited, we thought about how perfect the timing was if she really needed to be delivered.
The doctor came in and told us that my fluid levels were under 2, and that he was going to call my OB to get her opinion. After going to the waiting room to hear what the next steps were, he came out and told us my OB wanted us to head up to Labor and Delivery… our baby was going to be born that day!
We were so surprised, but really just so excited at the same time knowing we would soon meet our little one! We could rest in the fact that she was totally healthy and, at 37 weeks, she would be okay if she was born. Our little girl was going to be a New Year's Eve baby and the best way to end 2013!
I was still a little nervous about getting a c-section, but really just anxious to meet the little one we had waited and prayed so long for… she was just a few hours away! We were told that the surgery would start at noon and I was prepped. It was great to have a few hours to ourselves and Gabe and I talked about how these were the last few hours as "just us" and how excited we were… it all seemed so surreal.
The worst part for me about the c-section was the epidural. For whatever reason, it completely freaks me out and is one of the most painful shots. While I was getting it, which seemed like it took forever as the aesthetician was training the person doing it on how to do it, I kept thinking how so soon we would be able to meet our little girl and that made it all worth it.
Once I was numb from the waist down, my cerclage stitch was removed. I saw Gabe enter the room all dressed up in his scrubs and tears flooded my eyes. This wave of emotions hit me as I thought through our loss of Judah, the 14 months of trying to get pregnant, the countless prayers during the pregnancy and the fact that in a few minutes, I would celebrate this new life with the love of my life. It was completely overwhelming.
Gabe and I talked as I felt slight tugging and pressure on my stomach and within about 15 minutes, we were told that she was out and heard her cry for the first time! Gabe was called over to watch her get cleaned up and I kept hearing nurses and Gabe saying how beautiful she was. I couldn't wait to see her!
Gabe finally was able to bring her over to me and we both cried as we held our little girl. Ava Brielle was truly such an incredible gift and an absolute miracle!
We chose her name because we loved the name Ava and its meaning. It means "song" or "life" and we felt she was both to us. Brielle was chosen as her middle name because it means "of God." We want her life to be a reflection of God and also feel that she is a song of God. It reminds me of Zephaniah 3:17, "The Lord Your God is with you. The Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you… [He] will rejoice over you with singing." We feel God is singing over her little life!
Ava was born at 1:30 in the afternoon, weighing in at 6lbs 13oz and measuring 18.5 inches long. Her full head of dark hair is beautiful, and we think she has my nose and Gabe's face shape. We are so in love with her and are soaking in every minute we get to spend with her here in the hospital.
Because of the c-section, we'll be in the hospital the full four days and are planning on leaving tomorrow (Saturday) at some point after my staples are removed. Recovery will be a long journey over the next 6 weeks, where I'll really have to lay low, but I'm looking forward to snuggling up with Ava during these cold months and just enjoying hanging out with my beautiful daughter.
Gabe has already been an amazing dad… I can't say enough great things about the man I married. He's such a natural with Ava as he sings to her, has "the bounce" down to stop her from crying and has been such an encouragement and help to me. Right now he's home cleaning the loft to get everything ready for our arrival… how blessed am I?! He's such a loving servant and I feel privileged to be married to him. I'm so excited to begin this journey of parenting with him and watching together as our little Ava grows!
Okay, well, this quick update has gotten a little longer than expected, but I wanted to fill you in on what's been going on!
We love you all and again, can't thank you enough for your care, support, encouragement and prayers!!! We can't wait to have Ava meet you!
Love,
The Coyles
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Praying for a Little Miracle
We eagerly awaited to see her image pop up on the monitor and once it did, we learned that our little one was breech. My heart sunk. We asked what that meant for delivery and when the technician said it most likely meant having a c-section, I wanted to cry.
In many cases, she went on to say, the baby will turn on its own. But, the issue in our case is that the fluid around her is below the normal amount and with less fluid, it's harder for the babies to turn on their own. They simply get stuck in that position and so a c-section is the safest and best option.
We went on with the ultrasound and were thrilled to hear her growth is right on track. She weighs about 6 pounds and even has a little hair on her head! All of her vitals looked good and, of course, we were so thankful to know that she is doing well and is healthy!!
After talking more with my doctor about her fluid levels and the options for avoiding the c-section, we found that an external cephalic version could be a way to turn her around. Gabe and I both felt that if there's any option for avoiding a c-section; we want to try!
At some point next week, I'll go in for the procedure. They'll first do an ultrasound to see her positioning in the womb, how much fluid is around her and where her umbilical cord is located. If there isn't enough fluid, they won't even attempt the procedure. And, if there's even less fluid where it could be dangerous for her, they would have to do a c-section soon after. If everything looks good to move forward with the version, there's a little over 50% chance it will work. Sometimes the baby is just too stubborn to move! (I think it'll be very telling to see who she takes after… :) )
My doctor recommended the best thing to do is try to get the fluid levels up by laying on my side a lot and drinking lots of water… so that's what I've been doing.
Yesterday was really a rough day. I read a lot on c-sections and the pros and cons. I know many women have gone through them and there are some positive aspects of them, but for me, it's been a lot to process through.
I know it's healthier to deliver naturally as there are certain bacteria that helps the baby when going through the birthing process. I think too I subconsciously want to go through the delivery process to redeem some of those memories of delivering Judah. I want to have that positive delivery experience where we're anticipating each contraction and sensing the excitement of her arrival. Where I can hold her right away and be in the cozy setting of a birthing room. Instead, we'll be in a cold operating room, where (hopefully) Gabe will be allowed to be with me, and where I probably won't be able to hold our little one right away. I'll then spend time in the recovery room instead of just being able to focus all my attention on our little girl.
It also gets more complicated knowing I'll be having my cerclage stitch removed this coming Friday. At that point, I could go into labor at any time… which was really exciting to me, but now makes me nervous knowing a c-section would be the result.
All of these thoughts kept going through my head yesterday and with my already oh-so-lovely pregnancy hormones and feeling completely exhausted… I laid on the couch and felt defeated.
We're so close and yet, there's another hurdle to cross…
I prayed a lot yesterday that she would miraculously turn on her own, that she'll have enough fluid that the doctors could do the version procedure, that I would stay focused on how far we've already come and that I would have a larger perspective on what God is doing.
As I woke up this morning and felt her wiggle around, I was hit with the overwhelming question that I felt God was asking me… "Do you trust me?" I know that's what it comes down to.
Do I trust that God is completely in control of this situation, whether I have to have a c-section or not? Do I trust He's not going to leave us hanging on this journey that He's so faithfully been with us on until this point? And the more I thought about it, the more I felt His peace.
We are still so excited to meet our little girl… no matter how she gets here. We're still amazed at the miracle of conception and being able to carry a baby this far into pregnancy. We're still overwhelmed and excited at the thought of being parents and starting our family. We're still so thankful…
So our prayer is that we'll continue to trust that whatever happens, God's in control. But we're also praying for a little miracle… that there would be enough fluid for her to turn on her own or be turned by the procedure next week.
Thanks for continuing on with us throughout this journey and for your prayers!
Love,
The Coyles
Monday, December 23, 2013
Remembering Judah- Our 2 Year Journey
It's hard to believe that two years ago today, we lost our son Judah. I can so vividly remember being in the hospital and feeling his small, sporadic kicks at 21 weeks and watching him wiggle around on the ultra sound monitor. There was hope that, even though I would be on bed rest the rest of the pregnancy, if he stayed put for just a few more weeks, he would have a chance of survival.
But things changed within the following few hours and as I went into labor and delivered our son, those hopes were gone.
That first year after losing him was incredibly hard. While we felt the love and support from our family and friends, and while we knew God had a purpose in it all, it was an emotionally one of the hardest things we've gone through. We not only lost a child, we found ourselves being labeled with infertility… and that combination had us wondering what God had in store for us as a family.
The first anniversary of Judah's death was painful as we hung his ornament on the tree and went through his box of pictures and items from the hospital. We remembered our son and the moments we had with him, and wondered if we'd ever have the experience of welcoming a healthy baby into the world.
This year, as I sit here watching the snow come down as I write, I feel the seemingly non stop movements of our little girl as we wait anxiously for her arrival. At nearly 36 weeks, we know that even if she came today, she would survive… and we are so excited and thankful.
God has been so faithful on this journey… and not just the journey of this pregnancy, but the entire last two years. We are so thankful for everyone's prayers and encouragement and know we wouldn't have gotten through without your support.
I wasn't going to write a lot today because I wanted to repost a blog post that Gabe wrote the other day. I thought it summed up perfectly the struggle, feelings and hope that we find in our loss and even the great gift of the Christmas season.
Love,
Mom and Dad
But things changed within the following few hours and as I went into labor and delivered our son, those hopes were gone.
That first year after losing him was incredibly hard. While we felt the love and support from our family and friends, and while we knew God had a purpose in it all, it was an emotionally one of the hardest things we've gone through. We not only lost a child, we found ourselves being labeled with infertility… and that combination had us wondering what God had in store for us as a family.
The first anniversary of Judah's death was painful as we hung his ornament on the tree and went through his box of pictures and items from the hospital. We remembered our son and the moments we had with him, and wondered if we'd ever have the experience of welcoming a healthy baby into the world.
This year, as I sit here watching the snow come down as I write, I feel the seemingly non stop movements of our little girl as we wait anxiously for her arrival. At nearly 36 weeks, we know that even if she came today, she would survive… and we are so excited and thankful.
God has been so faithful on this journey… and not just the journey of this pregnancy, but the entire last two years. We are so thankful for everyone's prayers and encouragement and know we wouldn't have gotten through without your support.
I wasn't going to write a lot today because I wanted to repost a blog post that Gabe wrote the other day. I thought it summed up perfectly the struggle, feelings and hope that we find in our loss and even the great gift of the Christmas season.
I’ve always loved the Christmas season. You can ask my wife. I’m one of those nerds who sings Christmas tunes in the shower....in July.
And yet, there was a year that Christmas was anything but holly and jolly. Innocence was lost. The forever green trees meshed with a short life taken what felt too soon.
Now, Christmas will forever feel strange to me.
On December 23, 2011 I held my firstborn son after two weeks of being in and out of the hospital. Rather than celebrating the start of a new family. I held my boy, lifeless. Died in child birth, I picked up his remains on Christmas eve from the funeral home.
Quiet.
Such a small box.
Everyone else had already gone to begin their Christmas eve celebrations. Then Allie and I celebrated — or at least remembered with tears — the labor pains of the virgin Mary who gave birth to Jesus the Christ on December 25th. What must His first cry have sounded like? Strangely normal, I assume. We hung an ornament in my son’s honor. It was so small — smaller than him.
Then the 26th came.
A day that comes every year. A day I didn’t necessarily look forward to that year. A day to remember my own birth. I was born early too, I am told. I shared that in common with him, but I made it.
And now two years later, there is another added element. My wife is 9 months pregnant. I can feel my daughter get a case of the hiccups, bust a move when the music is cranked, or even stretch as she is gearing up to join us. I can’t tell you how excited, overjoyed, overwhelmed, anxious, and just thankful I am. It is in these few days in each year I’m reminded of the story of this world. My world. Your world.
Its broken. Death isn’t beautiful. Its dark. Cold. Anyone who tells you to just accept death as evolution’s avenue of human progress and development, has never really loved and lost. Either that or they’re hopeless and cynical. Never really seeing what is right in front of them — the ugliness of death. The wrongness of death.
But in the midst of all this brokenness, a new day comes. I am reminded that God didn’t just sit on the sidelines. He entered our pain and suffering. And every year when I remember my son’s death, I remember that God sent His Son, Jesus Christ. He sent Him in a particular point in history - real time and space - to be Emmanuel — God with us. He saw that there was so much wrong in the world, and He knew He was its only solution. Born in order to die that death would one day end. Suffered so that one day suffering would cease. Sin paid for. Death defeated. God’s Son intentionally went to the cross to die so that one day our sons and daughters might no longer die, but might live forever.
Then as my birthday hits afresh on good ol’ Boxing Day, I breathe anew the truth of the Gospel. Jesus was miraculously born. Lived a life I want to live, and died the death I deserved to die, then rose from the dead three days later - changing the very course of history. Death to life. God isn’t done working in the world. God isn’t done working in me. Through me. In you. Through you. For His good purposes.
This is the full story of Christmas I want my soon-to-arrive daughter to know, own and live.
Death, miraculous birth, a birthday and imminent new life - all in only a few short days. Christmas will forever feel strange to me, but that doesn’t mean it's without hope.
We love you Judah! You are forever in our hearts and minds… we can't wait to see you and hold you again someday!
Love,
Mom and Dad
Friday, July 26, 2013
It Takes a Village
I was pretty nervous about yesterday's surgery, all the way from scheduling it a month ago, up until yesterday. It was so awesome though to wake up yesterday morning and see all the comments on the blog and on Facebook and to even get texts and emails with encouragement and prayers about the surgery! It made me feel like I had an army of prayer warriors going with me into battle and I started to feel at peace.
I arrived two hours beforehand and hung out with Gabe in the waiting room till they called me back for prep. I felt super stylish putting on my little blue booties and cap and the open back gown. Gabe then joined me in the prep room and we were able to listen to the baby's strong heartbeat.... which is always just a relief to hear. Nurses were in and out of the room checking vitals, putting in the IV (which took two attempts, much to the chagrin of the nurse in training), and wrapping me in warm towels (why I don't do this at home I'll never know.. it was wonderful).
It was great seeing Dr. Shari Jackson arrive on the scene and letting me know she was going to be doing my surgery. She was the awesome doctor who was with me in the hospital with Judah and performed the rescue cerclage despite the complications. She has such a fun personality and she, along with the nurses and the anesthesiologist, made the entire process really fun.... yep, fun.
I didn't think I would ever say that about being in the hospital or going into surgery, but it's really amazing how much of a difference the doctors and nurses can make! So, for all of you in the medical field... thank you for what you do and for really taking the time to take care of patients! We then headed in to the Operating Room and I felt some of the nervousness come back. I still had to face the dreaded epidural.
Now, I know so many women out there get these during labor, but I feel like there are some differences. First of all, the pains of contractions far outweighs the feeling of the epidural. Secondly, you're so excited because you know the shot will bring relief and in a short time you'll be welcoming a bundle of joy into the world! But, if you're feeling fine and then told you're going to have a numbing shot (which stings like no other) and then the longest needle you've ever seen put into your back- you're going to feel a little tense. Long story short; I was glad when it was over and I started to feel the numbing take effect.
The operating room was full of women and it was a really great upbeat environment as we talked about styles of music (I got to pick what we listened to which was "anything but country"), then whether or not to find out what you're having during pregnancy, the show Scrubs and other random topics. In about ten minutes the surgery was done and Dr. Jackson said, despite some scarring from the last cerclage, everything looked good!
I was wheeled into recovery around 12:40 and told it would take 2-3 hours for the spinal block to wear off and then I would be on my way! Well, the anesthesiologist did her job very well and, while I was expecting to be heading out the door around 3 or so... I ended up being there a little longer. Apparently, there's a checklist of a few tasks you need to do in order to be able to leave. Things like wiggle your toes, move your legs and a few other things. And it's hard when your only responsibility in making these things happen is laying there and letting the anesthesia wear off. Needless to say we didn't leave until almost 7 last night and there were cheers all around when I passed the final test. We did, however, get cake and brownies from a going away party the unit was having for one of the nurses... so I guess waiting over 6 hours had its perks. :)
Last night and today have been just taking time to rest and Gabe has been great about taking care of everything else (while Lola and I lay on the couch and watch chic flicks).
(I told myself I would just write a quick update, but here I am again, writing a novel... sorry! I guess if you've made it this far, you don't mind finishing it out.) :)
I can't say enough though how grateful Gabe and I are for your encouragement, prayers and support! As our family and friends, you are so beautifully carrying out Galations 6:2 which says "Carry each other's burdens and in this, you fulfill the law of Christ."
They say it takes a village to raise a child, but I think it sometimes takes a village to help bring one safely into the world.
We are so thankful for the village God has placed us in.
We love you!
Love,
The Coyles
I arrived two hours beforehand and hung out with Gabe in the waiting room till they called me back for prep. I felt super stylish putting on my little blue booties and cap and the open back gown. Gabe then joined me in the prep room and we were able to listen to the baby's strong heartbeat.... which is always just a relief to hear. Nurses were in and out of the room checking vitals, putting in the IV (which took two attempts, much to the chagrin of the nurse in training), and wrapping me in warm towels (why I don't do this at home I'll never know.. it was wonderful).
It was great seeing Dr. Shari Jackson arrive on the scene and letting me know she was going to be doing my surgery. She was the awesome doctor who was with me in the hospital with Judah and performed the rescue cerclage despite the complications. She has such a fun personality and she, along with the nurses and the anesthesiologist, made the entire process really fun.... yep, fun.
I didn't think I would ever say that about being in the hospital or going into surgery, but it's really amazing how much of a difference the doctors and nurses can make! So, for all of you in the medical field... thank you for what you do and for really taking the time to take care of patients! We then headed in to the Operating Room and I felt some of the nervousness come back. I still had to face the dreaded epidural.
Now, I know so many women out there get these during labor, but I feel like there are some differences. First of all, the pains of contractions far outweighs the feeling of the epidural. Secondly, you're so excited because you know the shot will bring relief and in a short time you'll be welcoming a bundle of joy into the world! But, if you're feeling fine and then told you're going to have a numbing shot (which stings like no other) and then the longest needle you've ever seen put into your back- you're going to feel a little tense. Long story short; I was glad when it was over and I started to feel the numbing take effect.
The operating room was full of women and it was a really great upbeat environment as we talked about styles of music (I got to pick what we listened to which was "anything but country"), then whether or not to find out what you're having during pregnancy, the show Scrubs and other random topics. In about ten minutes the surgery was done and Dr. Jackson said, despite some scarring from the last cerclage, everything looked good!
I was wheeled into recovery around 12:40 and told it would take 2-3 hours for the spinal block to wear off and then I would be on my way! Well, the anesthesiologist did her job very well and, while I was expecting to be heading out the door around 3 or so... I ended up being there a little longer. Apparently, there's a checklist of a few tasks you need to do in order to be able to leave. Things like wiggle your toes, move your legs and a few other things. And it's hard when your only responsibility in making these things happen is laying there and letting the anesthesia wear off. Needless to say we didn't leave until almost 7 last night and there were cheers all around when I passed the final test. We did, however, get cake and brownies from a going away party the unit was having for one of the nurses... so I guess waiting over 6 hours had its perks. :)
Last night and today have been just taking time to rest and Gabe has been great about taking care of everything else (while Lola and I lay on the couch and watch chic flicks).
(I told myself I would just write a quick update, but here I am again, writing a novel... sorry! I guess if you've made it this far, you don't mind finishing it out.) :)
I can't say enough though how grateful Gabe and I are for your encouragement, prayers and support! As our family and friends, you are so beautifully carrying out Galations 6:2 which says "Carry each other's burdens and in this, you fulfill the law of Christ."
They say it takes a village to raise a child, but I think it sometimes takes a village to help bring one safely into the world.
We are so thankful for the village God has placed us in.
We love you!
Love,
The Coyles
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
A New Baby, A New Journey
It's hard to put into words all the feelings and emotions in our lives right now... We are beyond thrilled that we are pregnant again and expecting our new little one in January! For those that missed it, here's our little announcement that we made since Gabe and I both love coffee:
It was a long journey through over a year of navigating our loss and then trying to get pregnant. The countless doctors appointments, wrestling with being labeled infertile, thinking through next steps and even doubts of what God was doing. (I'll get into all that in another post as I know so many others who have also struggled through that process.)
But here we are again! In hindsight I see God's timing was perfect and we feel so blessed to be on this road with a little bump in tow!
I thought I would start writing about our journey this time around because I'm going in for surgery tomorrow. Up until now, it's been the excitement of finding out, telling family and friends and positive doctors appointments. Thankfully, the queasiness of the first trimester is leaving, but the surgery tomorrow is a great reminder of having a high risk pregnancy.
We've both felt the struggle up to this point of being excited, while still understanding that we have to hold loosely and trust that, ultimately, God is once again in control of this situation. But now begins the reality of taking as many steps as possible to prevent what happened last time.
The cerclage surgery is an out patient surgery that basically sews up the cervix. Because it's preventative this time (as opposed to last time with it being more of a rescue cerclage), there's a really good chance for success as it's been proven to work for others dealing with an incompetent cervix. And it's crazy because I'm not nervous about the surgery itself, but more about the epidural I have to get to do the block of anesthesiology. Last time it was a little rough, so once that's done, I'll feel much better!
I know it will all be worth it to have a healthy baby and so, we keep saying, no matter what the journey; our prayer is to have a healthy baby in the end!
Right now I feel like I'm stock piling food since I can't eat or drink anything past midnight tonight. I'm armed with pepperoni and wheat thins and trying to drink as much water as possible. The surgery is at 11:45am, and the surgery itself can take anywhere from 5 minutes to a half an hour. Then I'll be in recovery until I have feeling back in my legs and can walk around. Gabe is being so supportive in reminding me he'll be there the entire time and will be at my beck and call over the next few days. What a man... :)
It's been so encouraging to have friends and family already surrounding us on this journey... and we're only 14 weeks in! A friend is bringing over dinner tomorrow night and we are so appreciative of all the outpouring of love and prayers!
We are hopeful and will continue to update along the way. We are simply resting in knowing that God already knows the outcome.
Thank you for walking with us and for your prayers for tomorrow!
Love,
The Coyles
Sunday, December 23, 2012
December 23rd- It's Been One Year....
It's hard to believe it's been a whole year since we lost Judah. December 23rd will always be engraved on our hearts and minds as a really difficult day.
It seems like only a few months ago that we were in the hospital and praying for a miracle for Judah to go full term and arrive as a healthy baby boy, but it's been an entire year. As we got closer to this date, it's something I really couldn't wrap my mind around. But here we are, one year later and still finding it a very sad and painful memory.
I didn't even know if I was going to write today because I feel as though there's nothing more to add to what I've already written. The post on Judah's due date, May 6, still pretty much sums up where we are. Still wondering why, but still resting that only God knows and God works things out for our good and His glory.
Judah would've been almost 8 months old by now and sometimes I think through things we would be doing together now as a family, his personality and what he would've looked like...
And I'm reminded again that life usually won't go the way we imagine and there are so many things that are out of our control. But this is where faith steps in... trusting in a God who loves us unconditionally and knows our grief. "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." (Hebrews 6:19)
As we are just a few days away from Christmas, I can't help but think about the reason for our hope and faith. God sent his only Son Jesus to be born into the world, to live a perfect life and to die a painful death by taking all of our wrongs, guilt and shame on himself so that we can be free and live in hope. We accept this way of redemption by faith alone. We trust God's ultimate plan of salvation knowing that He loves us and wants the best for us.
It takes faith, and it starts with us accepting that Christmas is about God's gift of hope and a peace-filled life that he offers to us through Jesus. It won't necessarily be an easy life, as we've personally experienced with losing Judah, but it will be the most fulfilling life trusting in God's goodness, love and the hope he gives.
It's really amazing how quickly a year can go by... and before we know it, our lives will be passing just as quickly. And even though I wasn't sure what to write today, I guess I would wrap it up by saying this:
Life is precious, life is short. Don't waste time by living life in fear, trapped in never ending battles and without hope. This Christmas, think about God's gift of love: Jesus.
Thank you all for your continued support. We hope you all have a Merry Christmas.
Love,
The Coyles
It seems like only a few months ago that we were in the hospital and praying for a miracle for Judah to go full term and arrive as a healthy baby boy, but it's been an entire year. As we got closer to this date, it's something I really couldn't wrap my mind around. But here we are, one year later and still finding it a very sad and painful memory.
I didn't even know if I was going to write today because I feel as though there's nothing more to add to what I've already written. The post on Judah's due date, May 6, still pretty much sums up where we are. Still wondering why, but still resting that only God knows and God works things out for our good and His glory.
Judah would've been almost 8 months old by now and sometimes I think through things we would be doing together now as a family, his personality and what he would've looked like...
And I'm reminded again that life usually won't go the way we imagine and there are so many things that are out of our control. But this is where faith steps in... trusting in a God who loves us unconditionally and knows our grief. "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." (Hebrews 6:19)
As we are just a few days away from Christmas, I can't help but think about the reason for our hope and faith. God sent his only Son Jesus to be born into the world, to live a perfect life and to die a painful death by taking all of our wrongs, guilt and shame on himself so that we can be free and live in hope. We accept this way of redemption by faith alone. We trust God's ultimate plan of salvation knowing that He loves us and wants the best for us.
It takes faith, and it starts with us accepting that Christmas is about God's gift of hope and a peace-filled life that he offers to us through Jesus. It won't necessarily be an easy life, as we've personally experienced with losing Judah, but it will be the most fulfilling life trusting in God's goodness, love and the hope he gives.
It's really amazing how quickly a year can go by... and before we know it, our lives will be passing just as quickly. And even though I wasn't sure what to write today, I guess I would wrap it up by saying this:
Life is precious, life is short. Don't waste time by living life in fear, trapped in never ending battles and without hope. This Christmas, think about God's gift of love: Jesus.
Thank you all for your continued support. We hope you all have a Merry Christmas.
Love,
The Coyles
Monday, June 4, 2012
2 Years Ago Today...
Two years ago today we said "I Do" and we are more in love now that on that memorable day. It has been a huge blessing to be married to each other as best friends... After five years of dating on and off, through figuring ourselves and each other out, we've grown together and have leaned on each other for the past two years of marriage through our ups and downs.
In honor of our anniversary, here are some pictures from our wedding day... the day we began the rest of our lives together!
In honor of our anniversary, here are some pictures from our wedding day... the day we began the rest of our lives together!
It's fun to look back and remember, but we're also looking forward to what this next year holds for us and to grow more in love! Thanks to all of you who've been an encouragement and support for our marriage these past two years!
Love,
The Coyles
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Movin on Up...
When we moved to Kansas City a year ago, we thought we'd just be here two years and chose a place in Midtown/Old Hyde Park so that we were close to the heart of downtown while still not paying a ton in rent and could be close enough to the highway so Gabe could drive out to Leawood everyday. Now that Gabe is the campus pastor for our downtown campus at Christ Community, we've felt the need to move in to the heart of downtown closer to where the church campus would be.
We started looking in the Crossroads District of KC, which is where we're looking at permanent locations for the campus, but quickly realized this meant our rent would double. We began to pray about our options... A few weeks later, a couple from Christ Community approached us about an opportunity. They had been wanting to buy a condo in the Crossroads for some time as a place to move after retirement. Since the market has been so great for buyers, they knew that buying now would be a smart decision. They asked us if we would want to rent from them if they bought a condo in the Crossroads, and this gracious couple offered it at about what we're paying now!
We were beyond excited! This was such a huge answer to prayer and gave us the opportunity to live in this community where we could get to know neighbors, local business owners... and give them the option of having a church right in their community!
Since before we got married, almost 2 years ago, this has been a passion in both of our hearts. We saw ourselves in an urban environment, serving at a church, and getting involved in the community through relationships, volunteering and offering a place for people to interact with the gospel. We feel so content that we're right where we should be!
I was thinking the other day about the journey God has brought us on this past year... it's been a non stop roller coaster. Here's a quick overview:
- Gabe graduated from seminary
- We moved from Chicago to Kansas City
- We dropped off our stuff and flew to Italy for a once in a lifetime trip with Gabe's parents
- Gabe started the Fellowship program at Christ Community
- I started working from home as a freelance writer and pursuing my photography
- We got pregnant
- We had endless events and dinners throughout the summer and fall as part of the fellowship program
- We traveled home for Thanksgiving
- Found out we were having a boy
- Were in and out of the hospital for two weeks
- Lost our precious Judah on December 23
- Grieved through Christmas and New Years
- Had a Memorial for Judah
- Gabe accepted the position as downtown campus pastor
- We attended two training retreats for church planters
- Began focusing on serving full time at the downtown campus
- Gabe took over heading up the search for our campus space
- We found out we would be moving to the Crossroads
- We had our first Sunday at the Screenland Theaters in the Crossroads for the summer
- Gabe is continuing to work with the building team to secure a permanent location in the Crossroads
- We are starting to pack up
- Gabe is performing his first wedding this weekend
- I'll be shooting a different wedding the same day
- We'll have our 2 year anniversary on June 4
- We'll move into the Crossroads!
Whew! It's been a full year! All that to say, looking back it's been so neat to see how God has been orchestrating our lives. We wouldn't have chosen some of the things we went through this past year, but we continually trust in God's ultimate plan.
The next month is going to be busy, but we're keeping the finish line of being settled in our new home at the forefront of our mind. We are so excited for this next step in our lives... not so excited about packing. :)
Thanks, as always, for your prayers and support in our lives! We know that without our friends and family we never would've gotten through this past year!
Love,
The Coyles
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